The Tennessee Bar Association has gifted me with countless deep friendships, and my friendship with Nathan Shelby, aka “Big Princess,” was one of one of the greatest member benefits this organization has provided.  Nathan joined the TBA leadership family in 2008, when he was appointed as the YLD Liaison to the TBA YLD Fellows, no doubt at the urging of his future law partner and TBA legend Michelle Sellers. The TBA family would never be the same.

Nathan (left) and David goof off at a 2010 YLD event.

I recall meeting a man who was larger than life and who took every opportunity to make everyone around him at ease, cracking jokes — often at his own expense — and lulling everyone into a sense of camaraderie. The stated mission of the YLD is to provide leadership in serving the public and the profession and to promote excellence and fulfillment in the practice of law.  The YLD fosters relationships between young lawyers to lift each member of the family, both professionally and in their personal lives. Nathan was the epitome of the mission of the YLD. He never met a stranger and had the distinct ability to put others at ease as we interacted with new and old members of the TBA family.

Although Nathan held several official roles in the YLD and on the TBA’s Board of Governors, it was his unofficial roles that had the deepest impact on me personally. First and foremost, he was the unofficial chair of the Hospitality Suite at TBA conventions, ensuring that new and old YLD leaders took the opportunity to converse late into the night and early morning, swapping war stories and often baring our souls. Second, he was my TBA roommate. No matter where our TBA adventures took us, we always stayed together and were rarely seen at TBA events without the other. While our travel with the YLD encouraged roommates due to budgetary constraints, we eventually both found ourselves on the Board of Governors. When we discussed an upcoming trip, I mentioned that as members of the “big board,” we would be able to have separate rooms if we chose. His response sums up our friendship: “We don’t room together because we have to. We room together because we want to.”

Then-YLD President Tasha C. Blakney presents Nathan with an award in 2011 for his service as chair of the YLD Law School Outreach Committee.

I can only imagine the true impact Nathan Shelby had on our extended TBA family. He had an innate ability to help lawyers young and old decompress from our stress-filled profession and enjoy ourselves, always fostering a deep sense of community and friendship.

It is this legacy of joyful community that makes his death so incredibly tragic. Nathan Shelby was physically the strongest man I knew, and yet he was not strong enough to overcome his troubles alone. According to one recent study, compared to the general population, attorneys are more than twice as likely to contemplate suicide.¹ Lawyers are prone to mental health issues, including anxiety, depression and substance abuse, which are strongly linked to suicide risk. And to make matters worse, in the midst of these increased risks, it seems lawyers are often the most hesitant to ask for help. Perhaps it is because we tend to be strong Type A personalities who are problem solvers by trade. We are in the business of fixing things — how can we be the ones asking to be fixed? Or perhaps it is the fear of stigma associated with seeking professional help. Whatever the cause, we are becoming our own worst enemy, and we are not okay.

Nathan speaks to the 2010 Tennessee Judicial Conference, encouraging judges to participate in the YLD’s Judicial Internship Program.

As we grieve and process the loss of our dear friend, let us transform our grief into a call to action. It is okay that we are not okay, but we must be willing to ask for help when we need it, and we must be ready to listen to our colleagues when they ask. We must encourage one another to see that the benefit of asking for help far outweighs any stigma that asking for help is a sign of weakness. To the contrary, for someone who is used to being the advocate and problem solver, asking for help requires great strength. The more we normalize asking for help, the fewer hearts will break in sudden tragedy.

The Tennessee Lawyers Assistance Program is a confidential program serving lawyers, judges, bar applicants and law students who suffer from physical or mental disabilities that impair their ability to practice or serve, including substance abuse issues, stress or emotional health issues.

Considering the statistics, you or someone you know is struggling with one or more of these issues.

Please honor the memory of Nathan Shelby by removing the stigma of seeking help. The help is there. Please ask, and encourage those around you to do the same. |||

NOTE

1. Patrick R. Krill, et. al. Healthcare. “Stressed, Lonely and Overcommitted: Predictors of Lawyer Suicide Risk.” Feb. 11, 2023. www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/11/4/536.

Our thanks to David H. Veile for writing this remembrance of his friend Nathan. Veile is a partner at the Franklin law firm of Schell & Oglesby LLC, and he currently serves on the TBA Board of Governors as governor for the sixth district.

ATTORNEY WELLNESS RESOURCES

The Tennessee Bar Association has compiled resources available for those who are struggling with the demands of life and work. Learn more at www.tba.org/attorney_wellness.

It is no secret that the adversarial nature of the legal profession presents unique challenges. There is no stigma in reaching out. If you are contemplating harm to yourself or others please call or text 988, a 24/7 free and confidential support for those in distress.